Black Friday 2040
The smeared reflection of the family sitting on their couch glared back at them from the massive 100-inch black OLED screen. They were all piled together, half-awake and half-zoned out, waiting. Suddenly a bright logo snapped into existence. It was the newest and hottest pharma miracle called Exfillel One.
A blinding blast of white light shot across the living room like the sun had just detonated in front of them. On-screen, a white-haired man walked through a park holding his little dog and laughing like he had just ascended to heaven. A calm voice echoed:
“Exfillel One can extend your life up to ten years.”
The familiar list of horrors scrolled across the bottom of the screen:
May cause enlarged bowels, retina pain, liver and pancreas damage, blood vomiting, extreme diarrhea, and death. Ask your doctor if Exfillel One is right for you.
The youngest daughter walked into the room, clutching a giant plate of Thanksgiving leftovers. “Is it on yet? This year is going to be way better than last time,” she said through a mouthful of stuffing while the rest of the family stayed locked on the TV like statues.
The screen faded to black again. The color did not look as deep as it had before. A lone spotlight appeared in the center, and out stepped Leonard Surzanski, the chaotic host of America’s favorite event.
“Are you ready?” he whispered.
The living room fell silent. Even the refrigerator stopped humming.
“I said ladies and gentlemen, are you ready?”
This time the sound shook the walls.
The youngest boy on the couch sprang up on his knees. “I’m ready! I’m ready!” he squealed in a high-pitched voice while bouncing up and down.
“Well then, it is time to play
BLACK FRIDAY!”
The words hit like an explosion. The studio lights flared to life, revealing a roaring audience as a massive screen behind Leonard played clips from last year’s chaos. Crowds were stampeding, fists were flying, carts were flipping, and bodies were falling. The show’s logo appeared behind him, outlined in thin neon pinstripes like a warning label.
“Settle down, settle down,” Leonard said as he waved his hands. Slowly the studio and the living room became quiet again. “I was so excited for each and every one of you to return this year.” The crowd cheered again until Leonard pressed a finger to his lips. Silence returned instantly.
“You are here to see the best entertainment on Earth, and we are going to give you that. It is our gift to you. But first, as always, we want to say we are thankful for you, the viewer.”
The crowd erupted again. Even the family at home clapped for a moment before stopping.
“But this year,” Leonard said, lowering his voice, “things are different.”
The entire room and studio went quiet.
“This year we have built the world’s largest shopping mall right in the middle of the Nevada desert.”
A massive aerial shot appeared behind him. It showed a gigantic mega-mall stretching across the barren landscape.
“This mall has more than five hundred retail stores. It is built perfectly for the carnage you have come to know and love on Black Friday.”
Back at home, the fat dad dropped gravy on his white wife-beater. “God damn it,” he yelled. “Sally, get me another shirt. I can’t miss the show this year.” He cracked open another Old Milwaukee and wiped at the stain like it had personally insulted him.
“Yes! Yes!” Leonard shouted. “But there is a new rule this year.”
Silence fell again.
The screen behind him played more footage from the previous Black Friday.
A large woman pushed a cart overflowing with electronics before being blasted in the back by a man with a MAC-10. Two young men sword-fought in the sporting goods section before a seventy-year-old man cut them down with a double-barrel shotgun. A terrified kid sprinted around a corner and ran straight into the muzzle of a Beretta 9mm.
The screen suddenly returned to the Black Friday logo.
“Do you see the problem?” Leonard asked the crowd.
Someone shouted, “It’s the guns!”
Another voice agreed, “Yeah, it’s the f***ing guns!”
The audience began to stir like a mob until Leonard raised a hand.
“This year there will be no guns. All the carnage you love with none of the bullets. And that is a Black Friday guarantee.”
The crowd exploded with excitement.
People from every walk of life take part in Black Friday 2040. It is the most-watched show in the world, streamed into every home in America. The idea is simple. Bring back the old Black Friday tradition, push it far beyond its limits, and make it into a game show the world cannot look away from.
The mall opens for one day only.
Everything inside is free if you can escape with it.
Whoever carries out the most wins a lifetime of luxury.
The trip to the mall is brutal. Many die before they even reach the entrance.
Some competitors arrive in armored vehicles built in their backyards. Some come alone and grab only what they can carry. Every year the results are the same.
Dozens will die.
Millions will watch.
And the nation will call it tradition.
-- Circuit Surfer ⎐⎏⎐⎏
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